Control Your Anger - Before It Controls You!

Don't let anger like it rules your actions! 

Anger is a normal human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems - problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. 

Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary for our survival. On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

There Are Four Basic Ways Of Anger Expressions

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or non-verbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.
2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.
3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.
4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

How To Deal With Your Anger

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.

Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive - not aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive - aggressive behavior. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

 

Easing Up On Yourself (Immediate Remedies) 

1. Ask Your Creator: Pray and ask your CREATOR to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.
2. Breathing Therapy: Close your eyes and take deep breathe inside hold for a moment and breathe out. This will help you to calm and smile.
3. Know Your Worth: What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you.
4. Do some physical exercises: When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.
5. Be grateful: Find someone to thank. Do not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

Easing Up On Yourself (Long-term Solutions) 

1. Cognitive Restructuring: Have a positive outlook. Remember that it is not the end of the world and that getting angry is not going to fix the problem.Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly tone terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get much exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones.
2. Problem Solving: There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
3. Try To Think From Others' Point Of View: Move yourself on the person’s place you are anger with. Look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive the person as well as forgive truly yourself.
4. Better Communication: Don’t let your anger build. Slow down and rethink the first things that come to mind when a heated discussion takes place. Your choice of words is very important. Angry people tend to jump to and act on conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. Try to communicate calmly with the person listen his/her points, think over them and present your points. It is said that half of the problems can be resolved by unbiased communication.
5. Take Your Time: Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering, so these talks don't turn into arguments.

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.